Olympus
by SolitaireSilverthorn
Summary: Just your typical day on olympus.
1. The insanity begins

Hermes- I did not!

Apollo- Yes you did! my bow was on my throne and i left for a while. You stole it!

Hermes- I- yeah i did.

Aphrodite- You're so cute Hermes!

Hermes- thanks for pointing out the obvious Aphrodite.

Hera- I have to disagree with you Aphrodite. Hermes is a lying, filthy,-

Hermes- Why do you hate me so much?

Zeus- Because I had you with Maia.

Hera- SO YOU'RE STILL THINKING ABOUT MAIA?

Zeus- That isn't what I said, I-

Hera- Why do you have kids with just anyone? I mean she was a mountain nymph for pete's sake!

Hermes- (smiling) You're mad at Zeus 'cause of Maia, but who's pete?

Hera- ( Forms a sparking ball of bright red light in her hand and aims at Hermes.)

Hermes- Bye! ( Dissappears leaving a flaming trail of footsteps from where he ran off.)

Zeus- Hera! He set the palace on fire again because of that! Hephaestus!

Hephaestus- ( Sighs, then snaps his fingers and fire flies into his palm. He closes his hand and the fire snuffs out.)

Hera- Maybe if you hadn't gone up that mountain and found his stupid mother-

Apollo- I saw his mom once... Kinda hot. And trust me I know what i'm talking about.

Hera- Apollo!

Apollo- (whistles innocently)

Artemis- Really brother-

Apollo- What did I- ( Gets knocked to the ground by Hermes)

Hermes- What did I miss? ( Laughs) Apollo's on the floor!

Apollo- (Takes his bow from Hermes and shoots an arrow at him. Hermes runs out of the way at the speed of light and the arrow hits Hera's throne.)


	2. We've gotta do something

Apollo- Oh, Hades…

Hades- Yes?

Apollo- No, not you.

Hades- Whatever.

Hera- APOLLO YOU STUPID BIG- HEADED USELESS ARROGANT-

Apollo- HERMES THIS IS ALL YOU'RE FAULT.

Hermes- You don't have to be afraid of old peacock butt.

Hera- ( Turns to Hermes) What- did- you- say?

Hermes- Oh, nothing LORD Hera.

Hera- Hermes!

Hermes- Hey she said my name!

Hera- I WILL KILL YOU!

Hestia- ( Secretly snuffs out Hera's energy ball, then winks at Hermes.)

Hermes- (Whispering.) Thanks Hestia.

Hera- Wh- How- What-

Zeus- Just sit down honey.

Hera- (Sighs.) Alright.

Ares- Hermes!

Hermes- …Oh, what?

Ares- Where is my sword?

Hermes- Well, I certainly didn't give it to cabin 11 at Camp Half- Blood if that's what you're thinking.

Ares- HERMES!

Hermes- No, seriously I didn't. It's right here. (pulls out sword.)

Ares- Give that back.

Hermes- But it's so shiny and sharp and pointy and-

Artemis- (Pulls out fart arrow and shoots it at Hermes.)

Hermes- ( Dodges the arrow, which flies at Aphrodite)

Aphrodite- ( screams)

Artemis- ( Holds out her hand quickly. The arrow is wrapped in silver light. Artemis snaps her fingers and the arrow flies back in her hand.)

Aphrodite- Whew. Thanks.

Artemis- Don't get used to it.

Later that day…

Hermes- ( Squirts the five thousandth toothpaste tube on Apollo's throne. He throws the tube into a huge pile of other toothpaste tubes.)

Apollo- I love me.

Hermes- Oh, crap. ( snaps his fingers and the tubes disappear. He runs off.)

Apollo- ( not paying attention) I am so awesome! ( Sits down) I- what is on my- HERMES!

Hermes- I'm gonna visit Camp now. ( Runs away)

Meeting of the gods….

Ares- Okay, we gotta do something about Hermes.

All gods mutter in agreement.

Demeter- He set my throne on fire!

Apollo- He poured toothpaste all over my throne!

Aphrodite- He needs marriage counseling!

All gods- …

Artemis- Um, Aphrodite,

Aphrodite- Yeah?

Hephaestus- He's not married…

Aphrodite- So?

Persephone- He can't have marriage counseling if he isn't married…

Hades- Where is he, anyway?

Zeus- I called this meeting secretly. We have to stop Hermes's pranks.

Athena- Haven't we established that point already?

Hestia- He almost poured gravy on the hearth!

Hera- Lets banish him!

Zeus- Unfortunately, he is the best messenger I've appointed out of… let's see five- thousand others.

Apollo- He stole my cattle!

Athena- Yes, we all know that Apollo.

Ares- What if Artemis shot like, a slow- motion arrow at him? That's the only reason he gets away with stuff like that.

Artemis- In case you haven't noticed Ares, I'd have to hit him for that to work. He's just to fast for me to hit him.

Ares- Let's just stab the punk.

Athena- If he isn't here then why not prank him?

Apollo- I was just about to ask that Athena.

Athena- ( rolls her eyes.)

Hephaestus- I can rig his throne to electrocute him when he sits on it.

Zeus- Excellent!


	3. You can't prank Hermes

Hermes- ( Walks up to throne) Hmmm… Hey Apollo?

Apollo- What Hermes?

Hermes- My throne's kind of uncomfortable.

Apollo- This doesn't concern me.

Hermes- Bu they're Olympian. They are always comfortable. Which means that there's a problem.

Apollo- What? No, the throne is comfortable depending on who's sitting in it. ( sits in Hermes's throne. Then gets electrocuted.)

Hermes- HA! I invented pranks! You will never ever get me! ( Walks off laughing)

Athena- Apollo!

Apollo- He's also clever.

Ares- No, you're just stupid.

Persephone- why don't we just steal the caduceus?

Poseidon- ( clears throat) Persephone, um, he's the god of thieves. We can't steal from the best thief that's ever lived.

Zeus- Besides, the caduceus is his symbol of power.

Hestia- Ignore him?

Hades- He's so busy he won't notice.

Hera- Let's feed him to the Chimera!

Dionysus- He's immortal. Ooh, but demigods aren't! Lets blow up Hermes cabin!

Artemis- Those fools do that themselves.

Nemesis- Um, not to meddle with the MAJOR gods, but….

Apollo- What is it?

Nemesis- Let's trap him. Like Hephaestus captured Ares and Aphrodite.

Hephaestus- he's faster than any of my traps. I couldn't catch him.

Nemesis- don't worry. I'll get him.

A/N- This was going to be a one- shot, but I decided to make it a little longer. I wonder what Nemesis is gonna do to my dad… Oh, wait! I already know!


	4. The problem is fixed

Nemesis- Hey, Hermes.

Hermes- ( Talking on phone) no, Aeolus I don't want any bagels.

Nemesis- ( Takes the phone and runs off)

Hermes- Hey!

Nemesis- (Drops phone in the middle of the throne room)

Hermes- ( Grabs the phone. A golden net comes out of the floor and wraps around Hermes.)

Nemesis- Got him!

Hermes- ( Teleports out of the net)

Apollo- How?

Zeus- We forgot. He's the god of travelers.

Apollo- And how come no one told me?

Demeter- You told me that he could do that!

Apollo-...

Dionysus- Either way, we still didn't catch him.

Hephaestus- ( picks up net) I wasted a perfectly good trap.

Athena- Wait! Dionysus, his children might know his weakness!

Dionysus- Right! I'll head to that cursed camp and see what his weakness is!

Later...

( An explosion comes from Camp Half-Blood and Dionysus Flies into his throne upside down. Dionysus is also on fire.)

Poseidon- What happened to you?

Dionysus- Five names: Travis, Connor, Dylan, Trevor, Maria.

Apollo- All from Hermes cabin?

Dionysus- Yes. They're exactly like their father.

Poseidon- (Pours water all over Dionysus) I've heard all about them from Percy.

Athena- Annabeth says always have your hand on your wallet when any of them are near.

Ares- Where is my wallet?

Artemis- Other than Hermes, I'm the only Olympian who goes to the mortal world. You don't need mortal currency.

Ares- I keep it anyway. I go there sometimes. ( realizes he doesn't have it.) Hermes!

Hermes- You called?

Zeus- We just want to talk.

Hermes- Ah, the ancient art of speaking words.

Aphrodite- Name one secret that you have.

Zeus- Aphrodite that's not-

Hermes- I look a little too good in a dress.

Apollo- (Whispers to Artemis) How does he know what he looks like in a dress?

Artemis- You think I know?

Zeus- As I am the one who keeps order-

Hera- ( Clears throat)

Zeus- As I keep order along with Hera, I think you need to quit pranking us.

Hermes- What am I gonna for fun?

Aphrodite- Prank the titans!

Persephone- The only good idea she's pitched all day.

Hermes- Okay, I'll do that.

A/N- Review if you guys want me to keep this going. Special thanks to my cabinmates for 'sploding Mr. D.


	5. Hermes is dumber than a brick

Hermes- Take this hyperion!

Hyperion- ( Gets a face full of shaving cream)

Hermes- Hey Oceanus! (throws a greek vase full of pink paint at Oceanus)

Oceanus- ( Vase breaks over his head)

( Hermes runs around like a crazy person trashing Mount Othrys. A flaming cat flies in the background. pink paint splatters the sarcophagus that contains Kronos.)

Atlas- HERMES!

Hermes- Can't catch me! ( runs off.)

Back on Olympus...

Apollo- That wasn't pranking. That was going insane.

Hermes- I sorta went... overboard.

Artemis- ( Sarcastically) Really?

Hermes- Did you not see that?

Artemis- I was being sarcastic.

Hermes- What's that?

Demeter- You do it all the time.

Hermes- ( Sarcastically) Yeah, sure I do.

Persephone- you just did it.

Hermes- Did what?

Athena- Sarcasm.

Hermes- I don't know what that is.

Athena- You're dumber than a brick.

Hestia- He can't be-

Athena- Can see IQ's. This brick has a higher IQ than Hermes.

Hermes- What's an IQ?

A/N- Short chapter, sorry. Review!


	6. sarcasm

Hermes- What the Hades is sarcasm?

Hades- I heard my name. What?

Apollo- Go back to your dead guys.

Athena- Sarcasm: Remarks that mean the opposite of what they seem to say and are meant to mock or deride.

Hermes-….Showoff.

Athena- You basically invented sarcasm. How do you not know what it means?

Hermes- I know what it means. You just told me.

Athena- What did I say then?

Hermes-…

Aphrodite- It's okay Hermes. I don't know either!

Everyone turns to Aphrodite.

Hermes- Sometimes you are so stupid.

Apollo- Coming from the god of stupidity!

Hermes- You are the god of a big ball of gas. Shut it.

Apollo- Mailman!

Hermes- Lightbulb!

Zeus- SILENCE!

Hermes- WHY ARE YOU YELLING? WE CAN ALL HEAR YOU ANYWAY?

Artemis- Why are you yelling?

Hermes- I have no clue.

Hera- This is what you get for having an affair with a mountain nymph.


	7. it's just chapter 7

Zeus- Just because I had that one affair-

Hera- ONE? ONE? HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN JASON? THALIA? JASON GRACE?

Zeus- Um, in my defense, Jason Grace was Jupiter's-

Hera- YOU AND JUPITER ARE THE SAME PERSON!

Meanwhile…

Hermes and Apollo are sitting on their thrones watching Hera and Zeus, while eating popcorn.

Apollo- I gotta say Hermes, this is really good TV.

Hermes- Yeah I know right?

Aphrodite- THESE two need marriage counseling.

Artemis- Definitely.

Persephone- oh, yeah.

Zeus- Look, honey-

Hera- HOW MANY OTHER WOMEN HAVE YOU CALLED ' HONEY' ?

Zeus- Just you-

Hera- OH SURE!

Zeus- I'm serious!

Hermes- ( turns to other gods) Who wants pizza?

Apollo-Me!

Ares- Me!

Hermes- Be right back. ( Appears a second later with a pizza box)

Apollo- Wow. When you say ' right back' you literally mean it.

Hermes- It's a gift. And I mean that literally. Hephaestus made me the winged shoes and helmet.

Aphrodite- you're so funny!

Hermes- Got that right.

Zeus- That's it! You need to calm down!

Hera- CALM? I'M CALM. I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE CALM IN MY LIFE!

Apollo- what are you talking about?

Hermes- You're a monster.

A/N- the review button is your best friend.


	8. Still no name

Hera- WHAT DO YOU MEAN MONSTER?

Hermes- Well right now you sort of resemble Echidna. Or Medusa.

Hera- YOU'LL PAY FOR SAYING THAT!

Hermes- Okay, how much?

Hera-...

Hermes- Let's see...I got thirty Drachmas on me.

Zeus- ( laughs under his breath)

Hera- YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY?

Hermes- Yeah, I thought it was.

Hera- Not you! My stupid husband!

Hermes- Wait, now HE'S the stupid one? I'll have to try harder.

Zeus- Hera, I have to draw the line here. If you don't stop I'll blast you.

Aphrodite- Wow. Not a great way to calm your wife down.

Zeus-...So she won't be mad at me, Hermes, you blast her.

Apollo- you're going to give HERMES your master bolt?

Zeus- No, it will return to me once he's blasted her.

Hermes- Yes!

Hera- Wait, you can't just-

Hermes- Sorry, this is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you... I'm just kidding, no it isn't

Hermes blasts Hera

Hera- OW!

Hermes- Told ya it'd hurt.

A/N- Review and you get a free index card


	9. Insert chapter name here

A/N- You guys wanted an update? Okay, here it is!

Hera- YOU JUST BLASTED ME!

Hermes- I'm pretty sure everyone here knew that.

Hera- YOU ARE SO STUPID!

Hermes- HA! Take that Zeus! I'm the stupid one again.

Artemis- That isn't something to be proud of.

Apollo- For him it is.

Hera- YOU MUST BE PUNISHED!

Hermes- Zeus ORDERED me to do that. I just agreed.

Zeus- No, No, stop-

Hera- WHY DID YOU ORDER HIM TO DO THAT?

Apollo- ( turns to Hermes.) Didn't he tell her why before you did it?

Hermes- Uh huh.

Apollo- She's a little slow isn't she?

Hermes- Yep.

Hera- What are you two whispering about.

Hermes and Apollo- Uh, um, we just-

Hera- You weren't insulting me were you?

Hermes- Of course we were!

Apollo- I hate you.

Hera- WHAT?

Apollo- No, not you! Hermes!

Hermes- George, Martha! Attack mode!

George- We don't have an attack mode.

Hermes- Sure you do! ( throws Caduceus at Hera.)


	10. Chapter 10 needs a name

Hera- HERMES! WHY DID YOU THROW THAT?

Hermes- Well, I hate you. And I had a blunt object. Therefore I threw it at you to cause you pain.

Hera- You're such a fool.

Hermes- It's not even April!

Zeus- Will you two stop fighting?

Apollo- Actually I'm enjoying this! Keep going guys!

Hermes- Guys? As in two males?

Apollo- what?

Hermes- Technically you called her a dude.

Apollo- Why? Why would you say that?

Hera- APOLLO!

Apollo- (looks at wrist) Oh, look at the time. I have to go do some other thing...on the other side of the world.

Hera- You aren't even wearing a watch!

Apollo- (leaves)

A/N- Short chapter. I'm probably gonna end olympus soon, but I might make more stories like it. Review if you guys want me to.


	11. 11 retpahc

A/N- review. And you can meet Johnny depp!

Hermes- Did he actually have to do something?

Athena- He was just trying to escape Hera.

Hera- What do you mean ESCAPE?

Athena- You were about to kill him weren't you?

Hera- No, just severely injure.

Hermes- LEPRECHAUNS!

All gods-...

Hermes- I like peanut butter.

All gods-...

Hermes- Well, I do.

Artemis- Why did you randomly blurt that out?

Hermes- The conversation was about peanut butter wasn't it?

Artemis- Um...no. It wasn't.

Hermes- Oh...Then who was I talking to?

Athena- You were talking with us.

Hermes- Well...this is awkward.

Zeus- Anyway...It's obvious that we have problems here on olympus.

Hermes- Really? I hadn't noticed.

Zeus- Hera, You're too... sensitive? Hermes, you're too...you.

Hermes- Gravy is my friend!

Zeus- ... I'm going to pretend you didn't say that, and move on.

Hermes- I love most microwaves.

Zeus- Okay... moving on, we need to fix these problems.

Hermes- Let's call a mechanic!

Zeus- Ugh, not that kind of fix!

Hermes- Locksmith? Carpenter? Plumber?

Athena- He means we need to make up and settle our differences!

Hermes- Oh, no. I don't wear makeup...all the time.

Aphrodite- So, you've worn it before?

Hermes- Yes- I mean, no. Never.

All gods-...

Hermes- DON'T JUDGE ME!

Athena- Easier said than done.

Hermes- What's that supposed to mean?

Athena- You're stupid!

Hermes- Oh yeah? Well you're...Smart!

Athena- I know. Thanks for noticing.

Hermes- I'm gonna hit you with some sort of blunt object!

Athena- Then do it.

Hermes-...uhhh... pass?


	12. pthraec 12

A/N- Hey I updated! Review and maybe another one will appear!

Athena- Of course you do. You know I'll beat you in a fight.

Hermes- ...

Athena-...

Hermes- But I has this! ( Pulls out master bolt)

Zeus- GIVE THAT BACK!

Hermes- Man, you and Hera need inside voices.

Apollo- Hey, I'm back. OH CRAP! WHO GAVE HIM THAT?

Hermes- Include Apollo In that last statement.

Artemis- Hermes maybe you should give that back.

Hermes- Oh, here. ( gives bolt to Zeus.)

Meanwhile...

Kronos- Whoa...Hermes gave something back...I KNEW IT! I'M GAINING POWER! THE APOCALYPSE IS STARTING!

Back at Olympus...

All gods-...

Hermes- Uh, how did we see that?

Aphrodite- Probably the author.

All gods-...

Aphrodite- What?

Hephaestus- What author?

Aphrodite- I don't know.

A/N- Oh, gods. She's on to me!


End file.
